Strength to Finish...

Anybody tired as quickly as you start your day? I am SURE that as I ask the question, I can hear all of your voices responding:)
This morning, as we end our first week of daily production and tech rehearsals, my children started a revolt. The echoes of "I don't want to go to school! I want to sleep..." are re-sounding in my mind. If the truth be told, I’m totally with them. I am tired. My mind is spinning with a “to do” list a mile long! I love the stage, I love the way all the loose ends come together and things fall into place… But there is this one moment, albeit brief, when it looks like the uphill part of the journey is just a little more than I want to invest in. (Just speaking TRUTH my Peoples!)
As I was oscillating between cheerleader and drill sergeant to motivate them out the door, I had the reminder that life is FULL of summits. There is the point in the process that causes us to doubt why we took the challenge, why we rose to the occasion, in the first place. We question our motivation and ability to complete the task. I believe the difference between a successful finish, or, giving up the climb, is in this moment.
For me, it always helps to re-evaluate why I chose the journey. I dialogue with myself about my motivation. I weigh the pro’s and con’s, I set rules about biting off more than I can chew for the “next time”, I lay out a game plan to whittle away the bits and pieces to accomplishment… And then I hear a still small voice calling out my name:)
In my own strength, the summit is not a possibility. Every breath I take, every motion performed comes from strength much greater than I am capable of producing. It doesn’t matter if it is the most mundane of tasks, or some great feat. It is always the realization that I am not climbing life’s peaks alone, that brings peace and security to the chaos of my mind.
So today I pray this for my children, for myself, and for all of you lovely ones! Enjoy your moments. After all, in the whole scheme of eternity, they truly are gone before we know it…even the most challenging ones! From The Message, Ephesians 3…
14-19My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
20-21God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

We talk about how big He is all of the time. We tell people that God is more than capable of handling their mess…We sing back to the Preacher when we he shares accolades of the greatness of God in a Sunday sermon. And all things said, I do think we grasp the concept of His greatness, on a certain level.

Last night I was discussing a time in my youth (some 29 years ago) with a dear friend. I did not expect any revelatory moment. As we pondered our youth, I remembered where I was at, exactly what I was going thru at 17 years of age, and how the Lover of My Soul was drawing me to Himself. I was aware of how profoundly my Creator had made Himself known to me so long ago. We have those times where we recall/ retell the stories and in doing so, build our faith…and I guess that’s what I thought was happening as we sat outside of the local Starbucks.

Then, my friend spoke of what the Creator was doing in her 29 years ago (yes, it really was that long ago…smile…). You see, there were actual moments when the two of us were in the same room, listening to the same words of hope being read from the same page. There were instances when we both were crying out to God and He met with us in ways that neither one knew of. There were things going on in our young lives that my heart breaks over, and yet God, in His greatness met us in our different places, different ways, at the same time. Which brings me to today’s thoughts…

What I took from last night wasn't a mind awareness of how capable and great the Creator is, but rather a heart enlightenment...He is so awesome that at the same time, to each one of us separately, He is our all-in-all, holding the weight of our circumstance, at the very same moment. There has always been an awareness of His omnipresence mentally, but I felt like I got a glimpse of something supernatural.

It was powerful, and real...to think that at the same time He is making Himself known to me in such a way that my life will never be the same, you are going thru your experience. He is keeping you from falling apart, He is doing the Supernatural in you to hold you together...and we are in the very same rooms together, or across the planet from one another, praying and learning of His goodness...well, it just blows my mind.

He is so big, so gracious...words just don’t do Him justice:)

I Have 5

I have five amazingly beautiful children walking with me on this side of eternity. They are unique, and yet all bear an uncanny resemblance to one another. Yes, there are physical traits that tie them to each other…”Wow, you can sure tell she’s/he’s a Burns!” …but the things that bind them are deeper than physical attributes.

You see they belong to one another in all sorts of situations. When they are in the same room, it is a constant flow of making one another laugh. As I watch them separate and forge their individual friendships, they seem to continue to be the ones making laughter. Joy is their companion.

You see it in the way they attack something right off the grill:)

It’s there when being together is so fun that even the youngest ones want to stay up thru the night to partake of their togetherness, AND when the morning comes, and nobody awakens before 9am…A Burns LOVES their sleep!

You can’t miss the family resemblance when they have an opinion…=)

All of them have a song to sing…they are constantly creating a musical soundtrack to our lives…I wonder where that comes from;)

I am so fortunate…sigh…

She's back...

It’s been awhile, but now, I’m back. I have wanted to be more dedicated to these entries…had the best of intentions…and then life happens. Better said, MY life happens:) I don’t like to make excuses, but the past few years have been full of…stuff. My goal is to somehow go back and address some of the things that have gotten in my way. Once I get some of this “stuff” dealt with, I can better share the things bubbling up and overflowing my thoughts. So here is a bit of the foundation of this journey…

My health has been turning my world upside down. In early spring of 2008 I went thru weeks of illness. I was experiencing nonstop fatigue, joint pain, fever…It felt like endless days of the flu. I honestly thought my immune system was so depleted that I must be catching every virus known to mankind, one right after the other, with no relief. Finally in April, I went to the Doctor. The results came a few days later…autoimmune problems. My immune system wasn’t depleted because of the outward attack of the winter virus barrage…but rather, my Immune system was turning upon my own body, trying to destroy my connective tissues. The war in my body was not sickness of the season, nor was it the fact that I was most definitely settling into my forties! It was not the few extra pounds of mid-life, nor was it the winter doldrums! The very minute mechanisms in my body that are supposed to fight off those evil virus’ had been targeting pieces of me as the enemy, and they were doing a really good job. (I find myself even now looking at the correlation of my body turning upon its self, much as “the body of Christ” does the same thing…hindering the process and original purpose of its Creator…but alas, I have to let that thought go, so I can finish the original purpose of this post. If I type it though, and maybe highlight it in my post, I can see that I had a fleeting thought to go back to and expand upon…keep me to this, friends!) Now I was on a quest to find out just how this would affect the rest of life.

I was told that there was no way to quickly determine the name of the attacker, at least not specifically, or, right now. You know that drove me crazy. Life is simply too short, and frankly, there is way too much to do for me to be confused and not in control of a solution…those that know me really well may snicker at this time, as I snicker at myself, with you:)

I was put on several medications to reduce inflammation, subdue my pain, and lessen the severity of my symptoms. I hate medications. HATE them…I gave them six months, and then I removed all but one from my regimen. I chose to remain on the one medication that reduces the severity of my flare-ups. It does seem to help and its side effects are minimal. It doesn’t remove the disease, but for the most part, I am NOT where I was the first year of this journey. I do have occasional flares, but I also recognize some of the triggers in life that take me there. All in all, we are learning, and much grace has been given to continue coping…as at this time, for whatever purpose, my Creator has not rid me of the disease. (But that day is coming, my friends, and when it does, whenever it is…Watch out!)

It’s been a few years since we began treating for the disease. My Rheumatologist tells me I look more and more “Lupus-y” every day…and that is as close as we get to a definite diagnosis! After much research, I believe I have been battling with Auto Immune Disease most of my life…as far back as I can remember. I find it interesting the timing of the discovery, as there were so any things happening in my life. Perhaps those things were all ultimately tied to the timing…Those are thoughts for another day.

And you all must keep me at the task of sharing those thoughts, sooner than later…can’t let two more years go by, MUST put the thoughts on a page:)

'Tis the gift...

I often have to ask myself…”was I brought into this world at the wrong time? Did the big guy make a mistake?” I long for a moment to pause from the bustle of life in the 21st century.

As a child I loved helping my grandmother with the daily, most mundane tasks. Rising early, pulling on the adult sized coveralls and feeding cattle, was satisfactory. I would stare down at the pasture where the animals grazed, and wonder if any human foot had ever touched that exact spot. Lunch would be prepared for my grandfather and distant cousins that were out in fields harvesting and plowing…freshly fried chicken, home-made noodles rolled out by hand, and the best, always saved for last... pie! It was a pleasure to take the dust cloth and lemony fresh Pledge to every piece of woodwork in the old farm house. Even though the day was not even close to being half done, I looked forward to it lasting as long as possible.
Daily life on the farm was magical! I look back at that time, and I wonder, how in the world have I come to this fast-paced, barely-able-to-breath-mad-dash-to-the-finish-line life, I live today? Now, before you feel the need to tell me that I am remembering the past thru a child’s eyes, let me assure you that I do realize the back breaking lifestyle of a farming family. It was, and is today, full of hard work and undeniable stress. I guess it’s not the farming I miss…it’s the ability to take the simplest pieces of our daily life, and give them the honor they deserve.

The lyrics to the old Shaker hymn “Tis the Gift to be Simple” have been rolling thru my mind all morning long. Oh to be simple…to embrace simplicity. That is the lesson for me today. As I switch over the laundered bedding from washer to dryer, as I take care of my five year old and his needs, as I roll out the homemade noodles (my Grandmother’s recipe) rush to get my hair trimmed, help with homework, prepare dinner, load the family up for mid-week services…as I go thru the daily buzz of our family of seven’s life…I will take pause.
I will inhale the fragrance of the clean bedding, I will with gladness engage in a five year olds conversation, and I will relish the feel of the flour and egg on my hands…remembering that life in the simplest form, is a gift.

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ‘tis the gift to be free,
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain’d
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.
(Elder Joseph Brackett Jr., 1848)