Presence...

“And now, Father, glorify me with your very own splendor, the very splendor I had in your presence before there was a world.” John 17:5

The morning’s reading has my mind going at a speed that I find hard to keep up with. I was cruising along in John the 17th chapter…kind of discussing in my mind the fact that Christ is speaking of Himself in the 3rd person for the first several verses…and then I took a turn. The gears changed with Christ speaking no longer about Himself, but directly to the Father.
My first revelation was of my own prayers…I begin my conversation with God, and it seems formal and awkward as I try to connect to Him with my words…then there is the moment where I am not satisfied with my words, and I break out of the formal awkward and just go to the reality of my hearts cry. Anyone else stumble here as well? It’s as if we circle around trying to find some spiritual rhythm, like we have to move past the buzz of life around us, and thru our meaningless drivel, before we break through to that place of direct access.
The thought took me to an even more meaningful place with verse 5…”And now Father, glorify me with your very own splendor, the very splendor I had in your presence before there was a world.” Here is the Son of God asking to be glorified with splendor that he HAD dwelled in, BEFORE there was a world. I can’t count the times I have asked the Father to allow me to dwell in His presence revealing His glory, His splendor, to me. I also can’t count the times I have read this passage without a personal spin.
I began to visualize that moment of Christ in communion with the Father before there was a world, and with that, the thought of what it was like for my spirit to be in the presence of the Creator as He formed MY existence. It is funny how there are no memories of those precognitive moments…the ones that saw us into being. Our humanity is limited in this sense. While Christ, being part of the Godhead, was more than capable of recalling those pre incarnate moments, we do not.
We each grow in relationship with God to such a degree that we realize we need Him. He has known us from the beginning, but we have no recognition cognitively of the beginning…but we do reach a point when our spirit seeks out that which it has not. People often talk about having a God shaped void in their lives. Some recognize the void early on, even as children. To Jeremiah the Creator said: “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you…” (Jer. 1:5) Even though God Himself spoke the words, Jeremiah was quick to tell God that he felt ill equipped. We often pick this verse up and slip it on for size when we feel less than capable. And that’s a good thing! God’s word is here to remind us of whom He is and who we are in Him. I just can’t get away from Him knowing us before He shaped us…
While we have no recollection, we were IN His presence, AS He was shaping us. I have to believe this is in both the physical and spiritual sense. And because we were created as spirit beings, there is no satisfaction like that of being enveloped by Him. That is why we so desperately long for His presence. While I trust the reminders in the Word that He is with us, there is NOTHING like the awareness of Him all around and about us.
So, I’m asking the question, when/where do you feel the living presence of the one that designed you?
I am a musician, but to my core, a worshiper. While worship takes many forms, for most of my life music has been an immediate draw to the Father. For as long as I can remember I have served in a musical capacity within the church and community. Utilizing my gifts has become intrinsically tied to who I am and my role in the Kingdom of God. Music is an avenue to the Presence of God that I can always count on. And yet, things change.
Whatever the cause, life is ever fluctuating. Circumstances and seasons turn things upside down and we find ourselves standing in places that we never dreamed of. Over the past few years the hats I’ve worn have been traded out. Because of the shift in what I have always done and been musically, I hit a hard place. I literally went from one day this is who I am, to the next day (or so it seemed) I am no longer this person. The place that I so easily found His glory, was not the same…and I felt alone, alienated and even cut off. So, what do you do?
I believe it goes back to that moment… “the very splendor I had in your presence before” …the time and place when we were IN His presence as He brought us into being…the place within us that draws us to Him. As spirit beings we were designed to recognize Him! I am so grateful for the draw we have to Him. Because of it, no matter what seasonal upturns life may throw at us, this relational pull with Him maintains. He says clearly to me:"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed…” (Jer. 29:12-14)
For myself I would have to say my place of awareness is broadening. Life has changed quite dramatically for me. I know musical worship is a quick step for me to Him, and yet, I am pleasantly surprised to find Him around new corners. The journey has taken on a new expectancy, one that says He can and will reveal Himself to me in ways I haven’t experienced yet. So I ask the question again…
When and where do you feel the presence of the one that designed you? Keep your eyes up and looking…He wants to draw you into that place where He can show you His splendor!